If you know me, you know that I love comics, and I try to enjoy movies.  As a Scorpio, I have a tendency to feel and act very passionate and emotionally about things.  That said, when someone makes a terrible movie that destroys my faith in comic movie adaptations, I get a little annoyed about it.

Enter director Tim Story.  This guy has made a career on music videoes and commercials, and had his first real big break with a little-known comedy called Barbershop.  Somehow, that movie segues into a Fantastic Four contract deal, and he's magically become the authority on Marvel's first family.  Here's the major problem: the movie's not based on the original Fantastic Four, but on the Ultimate Fantastic Four - a retelling of the Marvel characters from scratch, new origins and everything.  A modernization, if you will.

Now, I have no problems with the comic series - if I don't like it, I can just not pick it up.  I've chosen to ignore most of the Ultimate titles (I gave Ultimate X-Men a shot, and didn't like the pacing or screwy origins - it confused me more than interested me; I also gave Ultimate Spider-Man a quick read, and the first graphic novel didn't hold my interest; I do collect the Ultimates, however, which are the Ultimate Avengers).  However, when a studio invests as much money as they do into their advertising, branding, and marketing as they do with a movie that they hope will do better than it's original (and let's be honest, Hollywood loves a crappy sequel), it's a little more difficult to ignore than a book on a shelf.

Enter the nameless producer guy that I think handles all comic-related properties in Hollywood.  I know that Hollywood uses forumlas and focus groups to maximize profits (by appealing to the widest audience possible) and get butts in seats, and I thought it would be funny to try to show that formula here.  Despite the fact that the first FF movie did poorly in theaters (ultimately made money, hence the sequel, but was a deplorable piece of filmmaking nontheless), someone decided to green-light a sequel.  I had been losely following the rumors online, and once I heard the Silver Surfer was in it, I started to question if this movie might have some promise.

I started to wonder if Tim Story had learned something making the first movie.

But alas, that was not the case.  Websites left and right were announcing that Galactus (the devourer of worlds, and the evil boss of Silver Surfer) would be not a guy in a giant purple outfit, but would instead be a giant electrical storm cloud.  This had to be the most retarded idea I had heard since Dr. Doom being affected by the same cosmic rays as the Fantastic Four, and having metal under his skin.  But when I heard that Galactus production design was Tim Story's idea, I cursed myself for ever second-guessing my original thoughts on his abilities as a filmmaker.

Let me be known that, no, I have not seen the FF sequel...and I don't plan to.  I put off the first one for a good long time, but sadly it was not long enough.  What a horrible movie, lacking any drama or emotional connection to the characters what-so-ever.  The only even remotely interesting character in the first flick was The Thing, and he didn't have enough screen time.  And then the studio made the mistake of hiring Jessica Alba - pretty face, no acting talent.  I knew from the first time I saw her on Dark Angel that she couldn't act.  She only had three facial expressions:

1) puppy dog - which doubled for angry and sad,
2) happy - where painted a giant grin on her face, which attracted all of the adolecent male viewers to try to look up pictures of her on the internet,
3) and blank - her everyday face.

Wow, nice range you have there.  As a fledgling actress, this can be expected...but once you have some flicks under your belt, I would expect a little more.  Not only that, but this movie comes on the cusp of the announcement that she will be in the American remake of a Japanese horror classic, The Eye.  Why I think she'll fail: she has to play a blind woman who can see for the first time.  Not only that, but she's seeing ghosts.

However, my disgust at Hollywood's inability to make an original movie anymore is a rant for another time.

So, going back to Hollywood and formulas, I figure that the success of this movie is two fold:

1) Jessica Alba has become a name in movies, despite my opinions about her (lack of) actinig abilities, and the teenage male wants to see her running around in tights and kicking ass
2) the average movie-goer is pretty stupid and easy to entertain

Hence, today's comic:


Did I know that this was going to be the #1 movie in America when I wrote it 2 weeks ago?  No, I didn't.  However, looking at the other options of what was coming out, and using that amazing 6th sense that I have which is able to predict the future fairly accurately, I made an educated guess and went with this latest installment of my rant about society, @$$hole.

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On a good note, Day Watch just arrived at the Michigan Theater here in Ann Arbor, and I have every intention of re-watching Night Watch and going to see it this week!  I'll probably go on Thursday, since I have Friday off.  9pm showing.  Anyone care to join me?

Also, I'm almost done with the first round of @$$hole strips.  I had originally announced that I would do the first 20 or so strips, and then have another round of guest strips.  Well, the invites went out last week for them, and I have had 5 people get back to me with a positive response (Jeremy, Shane, Laura, Erin, and Kevin).  This round of guest strips are going to be from people who do not have a web comic series, but enjoy doing artwork anyway.  Should be fun to see what they put out.

Well, I'm out for now.  Later!

T